If you think this defines me fully, you must be crazy.
And so I haven't posted much for the longest time. Which probably means I've been happy for such a long long time. Yay, me!
But all good things must come to an end.
Things are going from bad to worse with us. Nah, it's not as fatalistic as it sounds, but it's still bad enough for me to write.
Do we want to end this? I dunno.
I haven't even spoken to you yet. I'm just sitting here, stewing. Because I feel upset. Because I feel slighted.
There are times when things between you and I get so bad that I just wish one of us would stray so then at least we'd have an excuse.
But there are also times when things between you and I go so well that I think 'us' is an awesome idea to the nth degree.
There's good, there's bad. You take the good with the bad, but when does one determine when it's the other way around?
It seems like lately, with all that stupid computer shit, I seem to trigger your anger easily. Fuck, I knew buying the macbook was a mistake. It's a fucking piece of useless trash with complete cronyism built in. But it's being blown into a bigger matter than it should be. Yes, thank you for fixing those problems for me, but all I ask is you take responsibility for the work you've done on the fucking macbook and follow up... Because I do not know technical issues, therefore I cannot settle it. I mean, I'm not you leh. I don't know computer shit. That's partly the function of a partner right? We each have our strengths. If you want to talk to me about ships and seas, I could talk you nineteen to a dozen. So if I don't know about a problem plaguing my comp, what's wrong with asking you? Particularly since you installed the OS for me. And you refuse to let me sell it. It's MY money too, you know. Even if I sell it at a loss, like I said, ultimately it's my sanity that counts, more so than the money. And it seems that small financial loss is a small price to pay for the peace that will inevitably come when we don't have to fight about the fucking macbook anymore.
I don't know what to say anymore. I just know that I'm very tired from work, and the bad dreams that have surfaced with my deadlines. I just know that I don't want to quarrel anymore. I'm just sick of quarreling.
"it's like waking up in the morning,
and squeezing your tube of toothpaste on your brush.
you don't notice it's actually green tea flavour
until you taste it against your molars.
but you continue brushing anyway,
because toothpaste is good,
and brushing is a routine.
and fights are like that.
you let them fade away because you think it's okay,
even though it's horrible.
you forget because it's better for leaves to be blown away in the wind,
than to be plastered onto your eyes."
- from davienne.blogspot.com