I often wondered how life'd be without Gerald.
Spending 2.5years together, I have to admit that things tend to go on inertia after awhile.

Now I get to find out. =)

I now blog at fayeth.wordpress.com

You'll see that posting there started before the breakup (which, btw, was less than an hour ago). Already, I feel the need to start a new blog.

Eventually, this blog might go the way of the dinosaurs, but if it wasn't for this blog, I'd never have gone to BlogCon, I'd never have met Gerald, and I'd never have experienced this breakup.

So cliched as it sounds, thanks for the memories.
But I'll have to move on =)

To:
Housing and Development Board (HDB)
HDB's Lift Upgrading Project Contractor

Lift Upgrading Project (LUP) - New Lift Landings

1.   In 2007, HDB commenced the Lift Upgrading Project in my estate to allow new lifts to reach all floors, thereby improving accessibility for the elderly and the handicapped. This is commendable upgrading project and I am firmly in support of it. The lifts have also turned out very well, designed to be on par with the lifts in newer HDB estates such as Punggol and Sengkang.

2.   However, at the tail end of this project, one detail appears to have been neglected by your planning committee.This missing detail is apparent in the photograph attached:


3.   As you may have noticed in this photograph of drying cement in front of the new lift, there is a rectangular outline of tiles in front of the lift doors. These tiles are of a pleasant grey hue. However, the neglect on your part has resulted in a surfeit of tiles ordered. While I could attribute this to a possible mix-up by your tile supplier, it seems to have been deliberate as the inside of the rectangle has been filled with cement and smoothened to become level with the tiles.

4.   This patch of cement then begs the question of why a rectangle of tiles was created instead of allowing the entire lift landing to be covered in cement. Aesthetically, both options are eyesores. However, one eyesore appears to cost less than the other - I am assuming the price of sand needed for cement to be filled in the area taken up by one tile has not shot so high as to surpass the cost of one tile.

5.   From today on, whenever I step out of my house, I will always ponder the reason why the tiles are there in the first place, and why the central portion is not covered by tiles. Thank you for the mystery that will plague my mind every morning.

Yours sincerely,
A resident

---

Next post:
Possible reasons why cement covers the inside of the tile rectangle

先下手为强

I have made a decision with regard to my finances and my future.
I will keep a tight rein on my finances, and hopefully have at least $5,000 in in personal savings at the end of 2008.
When I succeed with that, 2009 will hopefully see me embark on a separate career path.

Admittedly, I am terrified.
I have always been terrified of:
    (i) Change
    (ii) The Unfamiliar
    (iii) Failing

Well, this is going to change from now on, starting with item (i), then conquering item (ii).

At this point, I am still working on (iii). It has been hard discovering that I'm really not as good as people thought I would be. It's not so much the surprise that kills me, but more the disappointment that floods my mind and heart every morning. It's a terrible thing disappointing others; it's even more terrible disappointing yourself. Therefore I will strive so very very hard to not fail, but also promise myself that if I fail, I will not dwell on it for more than one day.

However, my obsessive-compulsive side still induces panic attacks when my projects are not going the way I want them to. This side will have to go. I can try to be prepared, but my sphere of control at work is so limited, fretting becomes almost as effective and relevant as blaming myself for singlehandedly inducing global warming.

So what's the deal now?

If anyone needs a copywriter, I could give it a shot. In fact, I could give it a shot for free.
If anyone needs editing help with their work, drop me a mail.
If anyone has recommendations for writing courses, I would be glad to consider them, especially if they're not in the list I have already considered.

I recognise that I need a change, and I'm going to work on it. I will allow for 1.5years to adapt and survive with this change. If I am unable to, I will return - but I will not dwell on it for more than one day.

The confusion is not as compelling anymore, but curiosity abounds. hmmm...

This is the space I turn to when I'm unhappy.
If you think this defines me fully, you must be crazy.

And so I haven't posted much for the longest time. Which probably means I've been happy for such a long long time. Yay, me!

But all good things must come to an end.

Things are going from bad to worse with us. Nah, it's not as fatalistic as it sounds, but it's still bad enough for me to write.

Do we want to end this? I dunno.
I haven't even spoken to you yet. I'm just sitting here, stewing. Because I feel upset. Because I feel slighted.

There are times when things between you and I get so bad that I just wish one of us would stray so then at least we'd have an excuse.

But there are also times when things between you and I go so well that I think 'us' is an awesome idea to the nth degree.

There's good, there's bad. You take the good with the bad, but when does one determine when it's the other way around?

It seems like lately, with all that stupid computer shit, I seem to trigger your anger easily. Fuck, I knew buying the macbook was a mistake. It's a fucking piece of useless trash with complete cronyism built in. But it's being blown into a bigger matter than it should be. Yes, thank you for fixing those problems for me, but all I ask is you take responsibility for the work you've done on the fucking macbook and follow up... Because I do not know technical issues, therefore I cannot settle it. I mean, I'm not you leh. I don't know computer shit. That's partly the function of a partner right? We each have our strengths. If you want to talk to me about ships and seas, I could talk you nineteen to a dozen. So if I don't know about a problem plaguing my comp, what's wrong with asking you? Particularly since you installed the OS for me. And you refuse to let me sell it. It's MY money too, you know. Even if I sell it at a loss, like I said, ultimately it's my sanity that counts, more so than the money. And it seems that small financial loss is a small price to pay for the peace that will inevitably come when we don't have to fight about the fucking macbook anymore.

I don't know what to say anymore. I just know that I'm very tired from work, and the bad dreams that have surfaced with my deadlines. I just know that I don't want to quarrel anymore. I'm just sick of quarreling.

"it's like waking up in the morning,
and squeezing your tube of toothpaste on your brush.
you don't notice it's actually green tea flavour
until you taste it against your molars.
but you continue brushing anyway,
because toothpaste is good,
and brushing is a routine.

and fights are like that.
you let them fade away because you think it's okay,
even though it's horrible.
you forget because it's better for leaves to be blown away in the wind,
than to be plastered onto your eyes."
- from davienne.blogspot.com

OKOK

Clear liao

Sorted liao

Clear. Clear.

Like I said, WTF was I thinking?

Haven't felt like this since I was 18? 19?

So familiar. Like I'm young again.
Maybe that's the part I'm in love obsessed with. The part about feeling young again.

It's all messed up in my head
One minute it's clear, and I'm thinking, "wtf was I thinking?"
Next minute, it's gone all mumbled again.

Sigh.

I didn't know how well the two put together expressed what I meant to say.

Because I cannot articulate what I want to say.


"A secret's worth depends on the people from whom it must be kept"
- The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

Because the fat girl always gets ignored