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No Cs this time,
but hey,
No more Honours either.
Yeah, it's frustrating. Having worked hard and pretty much consistently for the whole semester. Especially frustrated with my marketing module result, but I won't say it's entirely unexpected, due to certain reasons. Bad results for APB was unexpected though..
But hey. It's over, it's over. Life zooms on...
at least I didn't fail Finance and Managerial Accounting. I didn't even come close to failing those =p
Sadly, USP is my only saving grace. Well, as much of a saving grace as others come. I'm thinking of taking a non-USP, non-biz module next semester, one of those easy ones, just to see if my brain has degenerated as badly as my results say, or if it's just that I'm not balancing out my bad biz results with ultra-A cross facs
Posted at 09:02 pm by fayeth
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Ms USA: She has a really hourglass figure, but the dress was just so wrong.....And she walks like a gorilla, and she looked like she was dragging the train of her evening gown with her leg and...............
Ms Venezuela: Whoa hot mama! Did you see the evening gown?? did you did you??
Well, did you??
Ms Dominican Republic & Ms Switzerland: They have...
bodies this long: <-->
Legs this long: <------------>
Ms Canada: The official dress for this pageant made everyone look like they had breast implants (including our girl), but the winner managed to look FLAT still...That is an achievement...
Ms China: Hair colour very ah lian leh...
Posted at 12:21 am by fayeth
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greeted by
"Involved in
- Erection of (building A)
- Erection of (building B)
- Erection of (building C)
- Erection of (structure A)
- Erection of (structure B)
- ..."
You know how it goes on from here. I mean, could you at least put "erection of" at the beginning with "Involved in", instead of at every single line? Or expand your vocabulary?
Really don't need to see so many "Erections" early in the morning.
Don't even get me started on the one that goes "Assisted in the erection of.........."
Really. I didn't need to hear it like that...
Oh yes, and a gem: "Co-ordination with client for solving various site erection issues"
got more than one site ah =x
*needs to clean out brain, i know. Life's quite sick when you think like I do.
And please, for decency's sake, don't write in caps. It pisses people off.
Posted at 02:08 pm by fayeth
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Of some drinks and one big moon (7pm)
" Hey. I'm at Raffles Place already. Take Exit E to Ocean Building yeah?"
Call from Chris - the first time he's on the dot. Dinner @ Lau Pa Sat.
(Just before 9pm)
" Esplanade? Yeah, wanna drink."
Just in time to get Happy Hour drinks - Heineken one pint each. With peanuts and good catching up.
Bad scenery. Two couples sitting beside me starting getting touchy feely, while Chris sat on the other side of the table, with those two couples in line of sight. Corner of my eye was being disturbed by the two sides writhing as well. Not good.
Chris tries to decide on a sissy cocktail, but ends up with a Sambura shot. He gets a little shot after downing the shot. lol
(11pm)
" Hey! Let's go check out DXO!"
The music sucks even from the outside. There was so few people that bouncers looked like they needed a day job.
Walk along the waterside. Cannot find a spot where couples aren't making out/cuddling. Went all the way to the other end just to find a well-lit spot where there was significantly less action going around.
Talked.
(near midnight)
"Hey, bus or cab?"
Long cab queue vs. NightRider.
Laziness, sleepiness won out - Skipped the cab queue, walked up about 100m, got a cab to share instantly. Eat that, suckers in the queue!
(12.30am)
" Let's do this again some time yeah? Seeya and take care"
Hug and a thump on the back and I'm back home.
My nights out with my friends sound awfully exciting don't they?
Dar, one thing. You're coming with us next round. Chris hasn't seen you in a long time, and he wants to catch up with you too. Drinks on us. You have no say in this. You Are Coming With Us. muahahahha =p
Posted at 01:26 pm by fayeth
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I truly truly wonder how people can save a confidential document on a network drive.
HELLO?
CONFIDENTIAL? *Wave hands in front of your face*
comprehendo?
If it gets picked up by the wrong people, no matter how many sorry's you say, it's not going to do anything. Sadly, you're the one who has been compromising our situation in our whole term.
Time to lay off the bottle and start thinking CLEARLY.
Posted at 11:49 pm by fayeth
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(1) To work. Yes, you heard me right. I like work. Because I'm getting into the groove of things. I now KNOW what I'm supposed to do, and I like direction. It's too bad that the morning-grogginess actually takes half the damn day to disappear, such that when I really get into the groove, it's lunchtime. Then after lunch, it's back to the groove, and too soon, it's time to go home. I almost don't feel like going home. Yesyes, i've developed a nasty love for my job and the Shenton Way Auntie look.
(2) To Friday. FRY-DAY. Chris + Sha + Beer = Cannot go wrong. well. Unless I screw up la. But still. Good. Good to look forward to.
(3) To not being such a mouse around my boss. My boss is nice and all, but I think I have a problem with authoritarian figures. My voice tends to fade away when I talk to him...literally fade and crackle off. Which is why I pee so much at work now, because I drink a lot of water to keep my throat clear. But yes, not be afraid.
(4) To learning more about engineering. I swear, I never thought I'd say this, but what I'm learning on the job is actually keeping and piqueing (? spelling?) my interest. I daren't tell my brother, in case he laughs at me.
Shucks. 3 out of 4 are about work! =x Why does this make me think I'm too much of a geek?
Posted at 12:10 am by fayeth
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I'm seriously contemplating some philosophy-based religion.
I cannot stand the idea of having to "believe" in a God in order to be a "better" person.
Don't give me that crap about "if u don't believe in God, you want to believe in a set of guidelines set out by humans?"
I just need some sort of direction, yet I don't know where to get it from.
Any help?
Posted at 01:00 am by fayeth
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I need a chill-pill. I really do.
Chris. Friday. Jazz. Asahi. Heineken. Vodka. Martini. All.
Chill pill. Friday. Esplanade.
Chill pill. Stay away from any work other than internship job.
Stay Away.
Posted at 01:30 pm by fayeth
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I wonder how many people actually managed to labour through the whole thing. When I posted yesterday, i was exhausted and rambling, such that i didn't bother checking the length. Didn't realise that it really was very long.
I was sad yesterday because of the conflict I felt inside myself, to choose between friend and responsibility.
This morning, i woke up for The TNP Big Walk. It was too early to be thinking, but once I was alone on the bus, I thought back to last night and I was enraged.
This is the letter I sent to someone today:
Hey ______
..thanks for the email..once I un-lazy myself, I'll write a similar one. haha
but yeah, something about yesterday's result.
Yesterday, i wasn't exactly unhappy with the result.
I was unhappy with myself for being in the position where i had to choose between my loyalty to a friend I brought into hotline (A), and the person I thought was a great choice for the position itself (B). I guess I finally decided to put Bin because I felt it was my responsibility to ensure that our CCA ends up with a good training manager so that training doesn't get shot down at every single AGM.
Do I regret putting B in? No.
Was I unhappy with the result yesterday? No.
Was the position undeserved? YES.
Was the position earned? NO.
Was the result fair? who knows?
I was numb yesterday, not because of the result, but because of the situation i was in with regards to pitting a friend against another, and putting myself in a position where public opinion might crucify me for setting up competition against the popular and supposedly deserving candidate.
But this morning I woke up, and i was enraged.
I took a position where I promised I would defend B. I would put B in the best possible light, without making any attacks or assumptions on A's performance on that day. I am happy that I never made direct comparisons. I said B was good. B had good communication skills. B is eloquent. B is committed. I never said B was more eloquent, a better communicator, a better person, a more committed person than A was. (someone else) did. This will remain the reason I will never support (someone else) in that person's decisions anymore. That person chose to defend Aby putting B down. That, my friend, is not the way integrity works. I was very very very fkingly tempted to say "A has not proven himself. If he had, he would not have to be here up for nomination for the 5th time, having failed to garner support in previous positions nominated." Even during his Q&A session, I asked questions - LEADING questions - just to get him to defend himself. If he had said just one thing in favour of himself as a training manager in this position, I WOULD HAVE HANDED OVER GLADLY. I was desperately looking for some justification of his election other than "he deserves to be in the main committee, regardless of the position". But even after winning that position, you could see A didn't want it, even if you were blind.
HE DID NOT WANT IT; WHY SHOULD HE HAVE IT THEN?
I have almost completely lost confidence in all who were present - that includes our main comm, but that is irrelevant. Other than the two other votes (or was it 3, i wasn't looking) that supported St and I, don't mind me saying, but everyone else put friendship and "he deserves to have a title to his name because he is committed" above all, there was little or no consideration for the requirements of the role itself.
What is my main gripe here?
Will A be any less of a worker if he is not given a title in the committee? I doubt so.
I'd rather they create an honorary position for A if they are so keen on putting A in the main committee.
Because people have sacrificed a great candidate for the sake of someone who is good, but not good for this position.
What was the reason i was chosen last year? sheer convenience? real confidence in my ability?
I wouldn't know. i don't even know if i would've been an even average candidate for training. But all I have come to realise is that this position takes more than a reticent (read: Strong and silent) type to take over.
I will not forsake A and leave him in the lurch. What I've learnt this past year, I will definitely use to guide him along, provide him with insights or whatever. Make no mistake about that. Something went wrong at the AGM, positions were reshuffled really badly, and it is not A's fault that eventually he had to run for this position.
On the flipside, I will view the 17th MC's decisions very critically. As and when I decide to ever criticise any decisions of theirs, it will be polite, but it will never look nice. I doubt I can ever look at their decisions and be able to not think "hmm, are they doing this for Hotline, or are they doing this for the benefit of THEM?"
You may think this is incredibly childish/weird of me to be griping so much about this, but the more I think about it, the more wrong it becomes. I will not say this is a complete mistake, because everyone takes time to learn. But there is an element of wrong in there that I cannot let go off. I hope you'll still be able to steer their future decisions regarding everything they approach you for in the right direction, because I have a strange feeling that they will have very deviant ideas. It's a personal bias, yes. But it is also a big danger.
I hope things turn out fine.
-signoff-
Anyone who reads my blog prior to these elections probably thing I don't like the MC, don't like the CCA, don't like working for the CCA etc, but those were gripes I put online. The commitment I have to this CCA is rivalled only by Rag. The responsibility I have developed to this CCA cannot be compared to any other CCA I've had.
You may think I'm being anal about the whole matter, and to let the matter rest. I will. Eventually.
Just not now.
Just not till I can reconcile myself with the decision others have made.
And to forgive the C for shuffling procedures such that I was forced to make that decision.
Time.
Posted at 12:41 am by fayeth
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I've finally handed over today. 1 week to the requisite one-year mark, and we've handed down our positions, our responsibilities, our worries.
In the year that I held this post, I've come to learn how to work with people who didn't necessarily convey the correction information, or didn't necessarily keep sensitivities in mind with interrupting comments. In this year, I have doubted myself and my ability countless times, but come out relatively intact.
It's been an eventful year working with everything, accepting and rendering help.
One year.
I never anticipated my hardest decision to confound me today.
The last post to be up for election. The last post with the hardest decision.
It was a very difficult decisions.
On the one hand, there's my "favourite" junior, A. I was the one who got A into this, and I was truly glad to see the people around him draw him out of the shell he wore out of habit when I first met him. A is hardworking (commendably so), undoubtedly able, and I desperately wanted him in the MC - I wasn't the only one, make no bones about that. Unfortunately, A is also fanatical about humility. There is a time and a place, but today was neither. He did not speak up when it mattered the most. When I needed him most to show.
On the other hand, there's B, the junior I believe to be the more qualified of the two. Eloquent, respectful, great with public relations, he is exactly what my position needs most, the obvious successor, in my opinion. But he wasn't here to defend himself - against accusations of being less committed than A, of having a distraction in the form of his religion.
I preferred none and supported both - yet I was put in a position whether to pit one against another.
Yes, I do wish I never had to make this decision. It put me in such a spot that for once in a long time, I wasn't able to do think.
A's friend told me - You can nominate B, but I believe the chance is that A will win, simply because this is the 5th time he's being nominated, and it's the last position. people will vote him in. But if you believe that B is a better candidate, then put him in. But I just don't think he'll win.
And so I did. I didn't want to let B go down without a fight.
So I fought on his behalf.
But I also gave one last push to A, questioning him, asking him leading questions, so that a direct answer to any of them would have given me the motivation to convince myself that he could really be more eloquent than B. But he never even took the chance.
And I just fought so damn hard for B. I fought and defended and...I believe between St and I, we built a strong case for B. But the truth was that I was fighting a battle I'd already known was lost.
These people will not let B win this position, because they believe based on past contributions that A deserves it - even though A obviously did not want this position.
Between a person who wanted it, and a person who did not - who would you have chosen?
I do not doubt the ability of any of them to carry out - and better - the work required. But I believe in thinking with my mind and not my heart. That's why I stood up against you A, and nominated B.
I'm a person who values public acceptance very much, and under no normal circumstance would I have risked my personal reputation to put someone up for a position.
I don't know how much I can convince any of you already-elected people that I was not trying to deprive you of your friend, A's rightful position in the MC.
I really don't know how to describe my position at that time.
I want A in, because he is my friend, and because he should be in the main comm because of what he has previously contributed.
But I want B in too because I think he is the one who will bring the sub-committee to greater heights.
I know. I know from the way A's friend spoke to me that my decision to add in a competitor was not welcome - in fact, what I saw when A's friend came to speak to me was a challenge - one saying "You can put him in, but you know he'll lose. So why bother?" I hated that.
I really really don't know how to put this.
I want to be the nice person to both of you.
And yet this was engineered in a way to put my position in the spot.
My god. I just don't know how to say this. It seems I'm just going around in circles aren't I?
It's just so hard to explain just what the hell I mean.
I guess what I really mean to say to A is that despite bringing in a competitor, I do believe you belong in the main committee, just not in this unwillingly taken up position you have grudgingly accepted because there was no other alternative. What I probably want to make sure is that I do not lose you as a friend, just because I did not stand by you in the way you would've wanted. This is what I have to do for the good of the organisation and not for our friendship. I can only hope you do not hold it against me.
to B, I just truly thank you for finally relenting, and giving me the permission to nominate you on the day itself. Nominating you was a release for me too, because it was then that I realised doing what I considered the right thing for the organisation I serve was more important than public acceptance. I do regret that you were not elected, and I still believe it was a waste of the perfectly good talent that you have, but maybe as you said, it really is God's will that you serve Him in CSS instead of our organisation. To that end, I hope I did not raise hopes unnecessarily in you, only to have them dashed. I'm sorry.
All of this felt like I was pitting myself against my friend, A. It felt like I was betraying A, but I maintain that this was not a betrayal of friendship. It made me feel rotten. It made me cry. But what could I do?
I just wish A had spoken when we'd given him the prods and chances to.
I am not displeased with the results. I am not happy with the results.
I do not feel anything more for the results than the piece of paper that just got torn after the last ballot was counted.
I only want that this not affect anything when it comes to my friendships with both A and B.
I never wanted to compare the two of you, which is why I fought for B by saying he is good - never once did I say B was better than you - it was A's friend who made it an attack by making a comparison between A and B.
After saying so much, you're none the wiser from reading all this. You don't know why I'm even recording this down.
I don't know either. Really. I'm tired and all i wanted to do was step down quietly. When things like this happen, I'm sorry I have to take sides. I'm sorry i have to speak up for someone. But it doesn't mean the person I do not speak up for is someone I'd speak against.
Burying my head in my jacket was not an act.
Looking confused and troubled was not an act.
Heaving a sigh - of relief or disappointment I don't know - after the results were read out was just that. Heaving a sigh.
I have great respect for you two.
I just want it to be clear skies, great weather tomorrow. It'll be a greater tomorrow.
\/\/
Posted at 01:10 am by fayeth
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